Midge Comic–Happy Fall!
Tag: dogs
Nipclub September 17, 2026: Sekurity Update
Nipclub September 17th, 2026, Sekurity Update by Slinky, @Slinky_the_Cat, Sekurity Agent, Late Nite shift
Arrrggg! ‘Tis our yearly Talk Like a Pirate Nipclub bash on Sept.17!
Me vessel, The Dead Reckoning, set sail fer the Nipclub party tavern two days past, now I be finally arrivin’. Moo was servin’ rum drinks to all when I landed.
Gator and P and Jeego be here, and Pearl had come to spin a yarn o’ the great storm that hit her last night, with another brewin’ her way! She showed us the charts, and we spied the ominous clouds through a spyglass!
Pearl was servin’ fresh boiled crabs and rum drinks to all while we fretted over the next storm that might strike her abode. She said the catio be full o’ water.
Mizz Bassie said Armani the cat be home and improvin’ but still shy o’ eatin’. Gator had vanished fer a spell and come back; he drank too much rum and nodded off a few times already!
Angus spotted deviled eggs on the pirate party menu, and I couldn’t believe pirates would eat fancy spiced eggs, with spices from the far east! Gator says everythin’ be delivered to ships these days, using Ship Dash!
Mizz Bassie guessed pirates would eat near anythin’, and I surely planned to try whatever grub be there; even if it be the dreaded fancy spiced eggs!;
Pearl was frettin’ over the storm as the wind had picked up; in fact, she had to leave afore LATE NITE started as she feared losin’ power. Gator and Mizz Bassie have had rain too in recent days; seems to be pourin’ everywhere!
Gator be still here; Louis be talkin’ up his set list and Angus wants to play music too. I heard K-Boi might show up as well.
I be fillin’ in fer Pearl, and hopefully her house be still standin’ come morn. Louis was playin’ pirate tunes and sea shanties, and I’m servin’ rum and more fresh crab.
Gator brought out the custom Nipclub tankards, both plain everyday ones and extra shiny fancy ones! Gator also crafted a giant plank o’ delicious charcuterie with fresh shrimp, and it be epic!
Pearl returned from swabbin’ the deck but might’ve had to head back if the waves rise any higher at her digs! I was servin’ Black Pearl cocktails and vittles, and K-boi showed up! The fine rum drinks be flowin’, and we’re all havin’ a jolly time.
Pearl left again for good; she was fair tuckered out.
I’m servin’ fresh oyster treats and fine rum straight while Gator and I chat about Danny Elfman and his tunes, Oingo Boingo shows, and such. Moo came back, and I served her some fresh oysters.
TJS showed up as usual, near the end of the shindig.
Gator and I be still up talkin’; Louis and Angus faded away early. Or maybe it weren’t early—we just lost track of time.
I started servin’ hot buttered rum nightcaps and warnin’ folks about fallin’ off the dock. Angus reappeared, and Gator gladly savored a hot drink while I cleaned up the galley. After closin’ the bar, I sailed off toward the straits on me ghost ship, The Dead Reckoning.
Until next week!
Slinky the Cat
Dinner?
Good afternoon everyone. It’s Bart with TJ and Bart! We have our new column ready!
Dis is TJ. Bart has kept me in da dark about what dis column is about.
Bart: You can participate, TJ. It’s about you!
TJ: It is?
Bart: Yes. Why do you twy to eat da froggies and da lizards around da house?
TJ: Because I am protecting da house!
Bart: From froggies and lizards???
TJ: Okay, I am hungwy!
Bart: But why are you eating dem? Daddy feeds us all the time.
TJ: I am a natural hunter, Bart.
Bart: Not many hunters that are 22 pounds, TJ.
TJ: That’s twenty-one pounds more than you. Bart!
Bart: ‘Dat’s not twue!
TJ: The reason you don’t eat the fwoggies and lizards is they are all bigger than you.
Bart: Daddy! Make him stop!
TJ: You started this!
Bart: TJ, Daddy has had to pry those dead things from your mouth. You think he likes doing that?
TJ: He could let me eat them!
Bart: But then you would get sick!
TJ: He don’t know that!
Bart: I think we should stick with our doggie food. And get Daddy to feed us some of his.
TJ: You can do that. I still hunt for my meals. I can lives off the land.
Bart: Uh huh. So, can I have your doggie food?
TJ: No!
Bart: But if you are catching food outside???
TJ: Sometimes they get away.
Bart: Yeah, they do. I think that’s funny.
TJ: They think you’re funny because they didn’t know doggies could be dat small.
Bart: Daddy!
TJ: See you next time, folks!
World News Alert from My Big Bed: Animal Testing
I am a dog. I contribute to the fabulous Anipal Times.
Bloop. Bloop. News Alert. News Alert.
May, 2025. Several protest organizations protested, demanded, investigated, and pleaded until they were arrested for freeing corralled beagles and test animals. Yet these brave arrests led to historic, federal first-ever charges against the breeding and lab testing facilities mandated by the federal government’s National Institute of Health (NIH). This pressure caused a grand jury to indict many animal testing labs, and the authorities finally charged the breeders and labs with federal crimes.
News alert: lawsuits, transparency, public protests, subpoenas, and grand juries work.
The NIH’s last in-house Beagle testing lab has been permanently closed. The so-called government doctors face charges, jail time, and fines exceeding $35 million. Rescuers have saved thousands of animals and provided them with new homes. The end of government, taxpayer-funded animal testing has come.
*Sassy Appaws! Appaws!
People worldwide have shamefully bred and purchased animals, especially Beagles, for experiments involving drugs, flea meds, and other items. Governments worldwide require these tests before allowing an item on the market.
Using AI and other predictive methods makes the use of animals and animal testing unnecessary, obsolete, and cruel. The biggest offender was Envigo, which bred, held, corralled, and sold over 5000 beagles per the White Coat Waste Project for the world’s cruel use in experiments.
*Sassy sobs
Finally, in 2025, a change in government allowed our federal courts to subpoena those involved for four decades, 43 years, in testing animals in labs.
Dr. Dawn Marie Gau was indicted on seventeen felony charges in 2025.
Dr. Gau and others pleaded guilty to supplying dogs and animals worldwide for experimentation. Dr. Gau pleaded guilty to seven of the seventeen charges.
Dr. Dawn Marie Gau’s convictions in July 2026 include animal cruelty, conspiracy to violate the Federal Animal Welfare Act, and conspiring to violate the Clean Water Act.
The judge handed down sentences of 12 months in prison (suspended) and 7 years of supervised probation. These were the first ever federal convictions for animal exploitation and supplying worldwide. These convictions also freed 5000 dogs, and the $35 million in fines closed the Envigo breeding facilities.
Officials have permanently closed these NIH labs and breeding facilities, with more convictions expected.
*Sassy Appaws!
The only remaining NIH Federal Government run lab and Envigo breeding are both closed due to the convictions.
*Sassy Appaws!
The Beagle Freedom Project (BFP) also shut down a large testing lab in Nowata, Oklahoma, that provided animals for flea-med testing.
*Sassy Appaws!
As your world news alert dog reporter, I am thrilled to report that overall in 2025-26, these grand juries, subpoenas, and convictions compelled the NIH and Envigo to free all the laboratory animals immediately and end the breeding facilities.
Officials forced Envigo to shut down its dog breeding operations, yet they still sell research products.
Rescuers took the animals to a thirty-acre property called Freedom Fields to start the adoption and rehabilitation required by the federal court. Thousands of animals have found new homes through adoption.
*Sassy Appaws!
A massive effort to find these animals homes has been in full swing since June 2025 and continues today.
Dance paws!
We know bad labs and breeders will still be out there, but we hope jail time and threats of federal charges will stop them cold.
Join us in celebrating the demise of Envigo and the National Institute of Health’s animal testing and breeding labs.
Wave goodbye to the last in-house NIH animal testing lab and unnecessary, outdated, cruel experiments and worldwide sales policies.
If you can, adopt a Beagle and hug your pets.
High paws.
Over and out from Sassy, reporting for World News Alert from My Big Bed.
Nipclub September 10, 2026: Sekurity Update
Nipclub September 10th, 2026, Sekurity Update by Slinky, @Slinky_the_Cat, Sekurity Agent, Late Nite shift
It’s the Nipclub Tiki luau pawty time! We’ve got tiki torches, pupu platters, and tropical drinks! Sekurity has matching aloha shirts.
K-Boi and Pearl were talking about baby snakes and the movie “Snakes on a Plane” when I walked in. Moo enticed me with delicious luau noms, and Gator talked about the beautiful weather at his house, which is a sign that fall is on its way!
Mizz Bassie said her cat Armani was at the vet because he has diabetes, so we sent healing vibes. Poor thing!
Pearl served flaming tiki cocktails and pineapple upside-down cake to get us started. Deliciousness! Now, more snacks- a large pupu platter with tiny hibachis featuring coconut shrimp, kalua pork sliders, shumai dumplings, chicken wings… I wasn’t sure what the tiny hibachi was for, but it looked cool. Pearl didn’t know what it was for, either.
DC Kitty Dominique showed up for a visit. Raven was there, as were P and Jeego, Angus, etc. We munched on coconut shrimp, spam and pineapple kabobs, and drank meowjitos. Dominique had a heatwave; Gator had cooler weather while Mizz Bassie, Raven and Pearl talked about cats interacting with lizards. Moo was still there, and we shared drinks.
It was time for LATE NITE and Angus was ready to party! Louis picked out records to play while Mizz Bassie had to leave early because she wants to get up early tomorrow to visit Armani at the vet. Louis was in the booth playing the Hawaii Five-O theme song! Sweet and nostalgic.
The LATE NITE party started with shredded kalua pork, catnip pineapple rum drinks in fish-shaped bowls, and we danced to sea shanties!
K-boi showed up again to say hello.
Pearl was still dishing up the delicious pupus and devastatingly strong Mai Tai drinks in whole coconuts.
The tiki torches were glowing, and we did the limbo! I sent Louis a song request, Tiki Torches at Twilight by David Lindley- the most purrfect song for the party, in my opinion!
TJS showed up for his usual drive-by hellos.
Time for pineapple upside-down cheesecake, and more rum drinks. We decided we all needed to call a Lyft to get home!
Louis asked what Spam musubi was once Pearl left, so I made some for him. It’s like sushi, but with Spam! We discussed nori (seaweed) placement either inside or outside the sushi, and then it was limbo time! Time to limbo down to the music. After a few more zombies and mai tais with catnip, we were getting loopy.
K-boi showed up for the late – night spam sushi discussion (Salmon roe was one of his favorite things!). Louis felt trepidation about trying raw fish (is he a real cat)?
Harvey arrived as we were closing, so I packed him a generous to-go box of pupus and luau noms, plus a drink to take along.
To-go boxes for all! It’s time to lock up and leave!
Until next week!
Slinky the Cat
Da Nerve: A Column by Sassy
A cat ran into my house today! Up my stairs and then sat all snuggly in my window. Da bold nerve. I woofed my face off, but he had to be shown out. Keep walking, cat. Da nerve!
How do you tell if it is a dogwood tree? By its bark! Da nerve!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Kitten. Kitten who? Quit kitten around and open the door! Da nerve!
In Legally Blonde, 2001, Bruiser the dog rode around in a purse. Momma, where is my ride? Da Nerve!
What do dogs bark out before every meal? Bone Appetit! Hee Hee. Da Nerve!
Saw a pigeon looking at me the other day. Looking. Strutting. Looking. Strutting. Move along, weirdo. Those are my moves. Da Nerve!
What does a Scotty dog say when it is scared? I am Terrier-fied. Hahaha hee. Da Nerve!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Feline. Feline who? Feline fine for Summertime! Da Nerve!
I like to chase autumn leaves and then eat them. What? Don’t you do that in the fall too? Da Nerve!
What do you call a doggy rock star? Su-Paw-Star! Pfft hee hee Da Nerve!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Roo! Roo who? Roo roo aroo arooooo let me go out in the yard. Da Nerve!
Quote: Jeff Valdez on Cats
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
— Jeff Valdez, source unspecified.
Nipstock/Catnipalooza 2026!
Nipstock/Catnipalooza’s debut year has finished, and I couldn’t be more proud!
It was four days of nip, music, food and fun!
I planned this for some time. Knowing Nipfest’s end last year, I foresaw the need for August Twitter activities! This was not to replace anything or anyone. Nipfest inspired me, of course, but this was something completely different! I thought that combining live DJ sets, events, and food was an original idea for Twitter.
I feel like I had the BEST team helping me plan! Nipstock never gets off the ground with everyone that helped me plan, made pics and volunteered 4 days of their time! Too many to name one by one, but i love and cherish everyone of you.
Is year two forthcoming? There absolutely will be! We are already planning for 2027 with a new theme and everything!
So long as I am present and folks wish revelry for summer’s conclusion, #Nipstock #Catnipalooza remains!
Grooming – Can Mum Cut It?
Ello der my pals I dus have received a propa dilemma lets me tell you …
“Dear Uncle Bob. Hello my momma is wonderful. She generally has me groomed, but I generally tends to acts silly and may have been asked to show myself out. Momma has, like me, ginormous, bootiful hair. Should I let her style and cut mine? Taking a chance. Signed Anonymously Adorable in Colorado.”
Oh, dear Anonymously Adorable, what a hairy dilemma!
I understand your problem. Your momma has ginormous bootiful hair and naturally you be finkin – surely sum dat styling talent must be able to be used on me.
Howefur, dear pal, there cud be a little issue – dat being your grooming record. If you’ve already been asked to show yourself out by the professionals, I is not convinced entirely dat you shud hands the scissors ofur to your momma and say, ‘have a go’!
Dat said, I says take a chance on the styling but bite the cut fur now. Starts small and sees how goes. And den, if Momma proves herself, you cud gradually and slowly increase her grooming privileges.
And always memba dat fur grows back (usually)!
What does our readers finks?
From your Agony Uncle Bob
Nipclub September 3, 2026: Sekurity Update
Nipclub September 3rd, 2026, Sekurity Update by Slinky, @Slinky_the_Cat, Sekurity Agent, Late Nite shift
It’s the Nipclub North Pole summer cool-off trip!
Me and my trusty malamute sled dog, Keith, stopped at the Nipclub pawty bar to warm ourselves up! Moo was serving blood orange tequila cocktails and smash burgers, so I asked for a drink and burger for both Keith and I. We were enjoying our burgers in the bar when Gator, P & Jeego, and Pearl were all chatting loudly about growing cauliflower and green beans in the garden.
Time to switch barktenders, with Moo off and Pearl on shift. Pearl served some polar bear paw cookies and hot cocoa, starting us off with the sweets. Time for dessert!
Surprise! Sir Pickle Longpaw was there. I hadn’t seen him for ages! Harvey was also there. He talked about an arts and crafts show (a 50-year-old annual event) this weekend that sounded fun.
We discussed cauliflower and whether it grows wild or if humans created the vegetable. Harvey researched and found that Mediterranean farmers have cultivated cauliflower from wild cabbage for thousands of years. I wondered aloud how brilliant these farmers were to make a veg that can mimic a chicken wing when battered, deep-fried, and covered with buffalo sauce! Harvey thought that was pretty funny.
Pearl served delicious king crab leg sammiches and snow martinis. Keith loves the crab, so I gave him a sammich. Next up was crab rangoon and more snow cocktails. I threw crab rangoon dumplings at Keith, and he caught them in his mouth. He’s a cool dog.
The gardening conversation continued with Gator, Mizz Bassie, and Pearl talking about insects on plants like aphids, ants, spiders, etc.
Angus and Louis were there and talked about playing music for LATE NITE. Louis shared a photo of a yellow and blue macaw his human saw at a baseball game. It was apparently a friendly parrot named Clarice! There were a few Silence of the Lambs jokes, of course.
Louis started off with ice and snow-themed songs like Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice! We hadn’t heard this song for ages! Then he played Van Halen’s cover of Ice Cream Man, Freeze Frame by J. Giles Band, and some songs by Elton John, Vangelis, etc.!
We kept circling back to gardening and insect stories. Gator mentioned an interesting experience in a big-box store in the linens department where his human encountered an orb-weaver spider amongst the pillowcases.
An escapee from the garden department?
Then we all started talking about creepy-crawler encounters in cars, outside, in shipping boxes, grocery stores… the horrors!
Time for strong drinks!
Pearl had a big storm heading her way. She had to lock down the house and put out a few sandbags, so she left the bar. We all wished her a safe evening.
There was more music, snow martinis, snacks and music, dancing and much silliness! I served up real snow martinis and more crab rangoon with nuoc cham dipping sauce. TJS showed up, of course, to say hello. Keith loves crab in any form!
Wow, the conversation was all over the place: all the bug talk led to The Wrath of Kahn film, tribbles, and then the British comedy/ car geek TV show, Top Gear. Louis hadn’t heard some British slang terms that popped up. There were a lot of giggles!
I served panna cotta with coffee, and we continued talking about various topics. Gator and I stayed a bit later and talked about recipes for wonderful custard desserts and fresh lemon confections from the Amalfi coast of Italy. It all sounded so good!
We were getting so tired, so it was time to lock it up!
Until next week!
Slinky the Cat
