Author: TJ and Bart

Doxies rule. That is all

Music time!

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Good evening! Dis is Bart!

And dis is TJ! We’re writing together again!

Bart: Dat’s right! And guess what we’re writing about????

TJ: Daddy’s 70s countdown!

Bart: You see Daddy always listens to these old songs counted down again. Honestly, a little embarrassing.

TJ: Dere’s this song called ‘Margaritaville!’ What does that even mean?

Bart: I think da guy was getting drunk.

TJ: Stwange title.

Bart: And then there was dis weird song called ‘Christine Sixteen’

TJ: Dat sounds naughty.

Bart: I think it is silly.

TJ: Den he had the Star Wars theme.

Bart: I like that song. I liked R2D2.

TJ: I guess. Better than dat streak song.

Bart: And dat song ‘bout an undercover angel.

TJ: Why does an angel need to be undercover? Dey can fly, right?

Bart: Look at dis one, TJ! A barracuda! A song about a barracuda! Singing about fisshies!

TJ: Daddy’s music is so weird, Bart.

Bart: How about dis song TJ? Do you wanna make love? Or do you just wanna fool around?

TJ: Dat’s the same thing, Bart!

Bart: Daddy’s music is so embarrassing. If you other doggies are in the same boat, be patient.

TJ: And howl whenever da songs come on!

Bart: Well, dat’s it! We will see you next time!

TJ: We love our daddy, even if his music is dumb.

Bart’s Answer

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Good evening everyone. Dis is Bart. Last time out my brudda TJ had some fun with me. Now it’s my turn!

TJ: Oh, what are you going to say?

Bart: TJ, what do you do when the thunderbolts come?

TJ: Well

Bart: You get sacwwed! You run awound barking…like dat will make a difference to God.

TJ: It might!

Bart: Uh huh. And then TJ twy to act like Mr Toughhie dog to the big dogs around us.

TJ: I am defending our home, Bart.

Bart: TJ, the other doggies are laughing at you.

TJ: Dey are not! I am like Rocky! Dey fear me.

Bart: You more like Daffy Duck.

TJ: Stop dat!

Bart: And then you are such a fussy eater! I eat anything Daddy gives us. But you, it has to be special!

TJ: I don’t eat just anything, Bart.

Bart: TJ, it’s all doggie food. And besides,. you twy to eat the froggies outside

TJ: I am a carnivore.

Bart: A what ovore?

TJ: Carnivore! King of the beasts!

Bart: As long as da beasts are under 25 pounds.

TJ: Knock it off, Bart! I might just go solo!

Bart: You needs me, TJ.

TJ: Sure I do…every dog needs a mascot.

Bart: Hush! Well, everyone, we hope you have liked these last two columns. We have gotten things off our chests.

TJ: Next time we write together again! Bart, what should we write about?

Bart: Grass: How should you eat it?

T: OOOOOOOOh

Bart: See you next time, everyone!

TJ’s Freedom

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Hello! Dis is TJ. I have a special column this week.

Dis is Bart. Don’t you mean we have a special column?

TJ Well Bart actually I am writing about you.

Bart: You are?

TJ: Yes! My brother Bart. He’s a cute little doggo.

Bart: I’m not that little!

TJ: Bart the froggies look you eye to eye.

Bart: Dat not true!

TJ: Also, I don’t know if you all believe in past lives, but I think in a past life Bart was a raccoon. He is always in the kitchen wastebasket. It is so weird.

Bart: Dere might be food there, TJ!

TJ: Bart, we get fed multiple times every day!

Bart: You never know! And I see you eating gwass sometimes!

TJ: What’s your point, Bart?

Bart: I don’t see why you are writing this.

TJ: You always twying to eat my tweats.

Bart: So? You snooze, you lose!

TJ: I want to savor my food!

Bart: I want to savor your food!

TJ: Eat your own food!

Bart: I do!

TJ: Maybe things were better when I was on my own.

Bart: You would miss me, TJ!

TJ: Maybe. You are a good mascot.

Bart: A mascot?????

TJ: You know, little things.

Bart: I know what it means. Next time I am going to write about you! About bigger doggies who fear brooms and fireworks!

TJ: You’d better not!

Bart: I’m starting now!

TJ: Anyone want to adopt a little bro dog?

We’re back!

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Good evening everyone! It’s Bart from TJ and Bart! How are you?

Dis is TJ. We know it’s been a while since you heard from us. But we are back now!

Bart: Yeah, we were on vacation.

TJ, Bart, we’re dogs. Life is a vacation.

Bart: Yeah, but dis was an official one

TJ: Oh? What makes it an official one?

Bart: We sleep more!

TJ: Dat makes sense!

Bart: Anyway, Anipal Times readers, no more vacations! We will have a new column every week!

TJ: We got lots to say! About how humans like to put heartworm pills in dose pill pockets!

Bart: We know what dat’s about! That topic will wait for another time.

TJ: Also, we are going to talk about why we doggos don’t want to walk when it is wet outside.

Bart: We need to be patient with our humans, but stwange they can’t figure that one out

TJ: What else should we write about?

Bart: Well, July 4th is next month, so we can talk about how we hate fireworks.

TJ: Good idea! Fireworks suck!

Bart: Why do hoomans like loud things? No sense!

TJ: No sense at all. Anyway, Anipal Times readers, you can see we have great things to write about!

Bart: Yes! It’s good to be back. Tell us about something you wants us to write about!

TJ: Yes, we will read your ideas in between naps! Until next time!

We’re back!

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Good evening y’all! It’s Bart from TJ and Bart, and we are back!

TJ: Yes, it’s good to be back. We need to snooze. So, what shall we talk about tonight, Bart?

Bart: Let’s talk about food

TJ: Dis is a good idea

Bart: One of the stwange dings about hoomans is dat dey think there are only a few times in the day that you should eat.

TJ: Dis is boring. We say, eat anytime during the day or night!

Bart: Now, also, we ask, what to eat?

TJ: Anything!

Bart: Dat makes sense!

TJ: Da hoomans want to feed us canned food called dog food. Do they call their food ‘hooman food’?

Bart: Dis is stwange. But hoomans are stwange.

TJ: Yes. Why do they always scoop up our poop?

Bart: TJ, let’s stick to one subject.

TJ: Towwy!

Bart: Dat’s okay. What do you really like to eat, TJ?

TJ: Pizza.

Bart: But our hooman doesn’t let us eat pizza.

TJ: That doesn’t mean we can’t eat it when they aren’t looking.

Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, dis is twue.

TJ: And it’s also fun to eat each other’s food.

Bart: I don’t like it when you eat my food.

TJ: So?

Bart: Whatever. When is your favorite time to eat?

TJ: Anytime! When we finish writing dis, I say we eat!

Bart: What shall we eat?

TJ: Snausauges!

Bart: Dis is a good idea! Well, dat’s all, folks. We won’t wait that long before writing again.

TJ: Dat’s right! Hope you enjoyed dis! Time to chow down!

Walking in the Cold

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Hello! Dis is Bart! We are TJ and Bart, and we are ready with a new article for the Anipal Times!

Dis is TJ! We take our duties as writers seriously. And we have a vewy important topic today. Walking in da cold.

Bart: Dat’s wight, TJ. Now we live in Florida, so it does not get too cold here too often. But sometimes it does.

TJ: Dis also for our pals who really have to go through da cold so much during the winter. Dey have real winters. Dis is an important topic!

Bart: Dis is also weally for our humans. Because dey walk us, after all.

TJ: And they don’t walk us any differently than! Man, it is cold outside! Why do they go so slowly?

Bart: Dis is so twue! You know we are low to the gwound! Our pwivate parts are touching the gwass!

TJ: Sowwy if that is too stwong for da readers out there, but dis is an important issue for us doggos! Humans, get da lead out!

Bart: You don’t want to be out dere, wight? Well, we don’t want to be out dere either!

TJ: And yoooose humans are supposed to be da smart ones. If we go inside, then we will all get warm! What is so hard about dat?

Bart: But we also have to have patience with our humans.

TJ: It’s difficult sometimes, though, Bart. Cats have it so good! They can go in da stinky box inside!

Bart: And then da humans clean it. Cats are lucky!

TJ: In da meantime, humans, understand! Faster walks, and less time outside when it is cold!

Bart: Dat’s wight!

TJ: Dis concludes our article. We hope dis helps!

Happy New Year!

~ TJ and Bart ~ 3 Comments

Bart: Hello, Anipals! Dis is Bart from the team of TJ and Bart! Our first article of da new year! Happy New Year!

TJ: Dis is TJ. I feel like 2026 is going to be a wonderful year for all of us!

Bart: I agwee, TJ. You know I have heard of dis human thing called New Year’s Resolutions.

TJ: What’s dat?

Bart: Well, it’s when humans promise to be better in da new year.

TJ: Dat’s strange. Why do they wait for then?

Bart: Humans are weird, TJ.

TJ: Dat’s wight. So, should we doggies have New Year’s resolutions? Might be fun!

Bart: Let’s do it! I resolve to eat more dis year.

TJ: Bart, if you eat any more, you will be able to roll down the sidewalk instead of walking on it.

Bart: Not a funny joke, TJ.

TJ: It wasn’t a joke.

Bart: Okay, how about you?

TJ: I resolve to be more friendly to other doggos.

Bart: Good idea, TJ. You are always arguing with all the doggos around here. I need some peace.

TJ: I am protecting da house, Bart.

Bart: From whom?

TJ: You can never be too safe, Bart. But I promise to be a little more trusting. Maybe I will sniff dem instead of barking at them.

Bart: Good idea. I also resolve to sleep more.

TJ: Is dat possible?

Bart: I will find out.

TJ: Okay, one more from me. I resolve not to be scared of thunder.

Bart: I don’t know if you can do dat one, TJ.

TJ: Yes, I can! I am going to be more like dat hero dog Rex in Hudson and Rex, Dat TV show.

Bart: You got a long way to go for dat, TJ. But okay.

TJ: Okay, Anipals. Let us know some of your resolutions!

Bart: ‘Dat’s wight! We will see you soon. Meanwhile, time to start sleeping more!

TJ and Bart: Christmas Tree!

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Bart: Good evening, Anipal Times readers! Here we are, TJ and Bart!

I’m Bart. Why is your name always first, TJ?

TJ: Dis is TJ. Bart, what difference does dat make? I think it’s because I’se a better-looking doggo.

Bart: WHAT????

TJ: Never mind, Bart. Let’s get to our subject tonight. Christmas trees.

Bart: Dis is a very important subject. Chwistmas Twees are stwange to us doggos

TJ: Yes, stwange. I mean, when we go outside to be walked, our hoomans know what we do with twees.

Bart: And our hoomans like it when we do dis. But not with dese Chwistmas trees.

TJ: Dat is stwange. And why are dese twees brought inside da house?

Bart: And da humans put all this stuff on it. Dey put decowations and lights on da twee, which is stwange. They never put dis stuff on twees outside.

TJ: And they put this…little barn with these plastic figures on it. Dey say dis is da baby Jesus.

Bart: It’s da weason for da season. Twees look nice. But when we go around dese Chwistmas twees, hooomans get nervous. Why?

TJ: Don’t dey know that we going dere to make a wish to Santa? For us to get more tweats for Chwistmas?

Bart: I mean, we had ‘accidents’ dere once or twice, but no one is perfect!

TJ: Dat wight! Okay, let’s close.

Doggos, just be careful when your hoomans bring in da Chwistmas twees. But, it’s still okay to have fun.

MEWWWY Christmas from TJ and Bart!

TJ and Bart! More Music!

~ TJ and Bart ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. We are TJ and Bart here for another column.

Dis is Bart. By the way, TJ went to the vettie this week and got told he had to lose weight. Hi TJ!

TJ: Dis is TJ. No need to tell da readers dat, Bart.

Bart: The readers should know about us, TJ!

TJ: Like how you ran away from dat little chihuahua da other day?

Bart: Let’s start dis week’s column! It is about music!

TJ: An important topic! Our daddy likes people who made music in the seventies. In other words, old.

Bart: Weally old! Now dis is stwange ‘cause they still sing songs from when dey were young!

TJ: Example: Dat guy Mick Jagger. He still sings dat song about not getting da satisfaction! If you have not got it by now, you ain’t getting it!

Bart: Or da guy Rod Stewart! He is still singing the song ‘Do You Tink I’m Sexy?’ He is in his seventies! Dat sick!

TJ: Also, some of dese people are eating too much. Dey sweating too much, not able to breathe. Maybe do a different kind of music? Like Polka?

Bart: We are not saying dey should retiwe, but dey should have some dignity!

TJ: Sing different songs! AC/DC ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.’ You are too old! How about ‘You slept all night long!’

Bart: Good example: also, how about having Metamucil sponsor your shows? Dat fits!

TJ: Or heawing aids! For da audience, too!

Bart: Also start da shows in da afternoon! Den your audience can make da early bird special later!

TJ: We have so many good ideas! How about calling one of dese shows ‘denture music?’
We are rolling now, Bart!

Bart: Well, dat is all for now! We are here to help you, older musicians!

TJ: Keep wocking, just not too woud!

See you next time!

TJ and Bart: Tail Sniffing

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Bart: Hewwo, Anipal Times Readers! This is Bart, and we, TJ and Bart, are ready to write another column.

TJ: Dis is TJ, and dis is an important column. Doggos have asked us dis question: Why do our humans become upset when we sniff each other’s tails?

Bart: It is stwange, TJ. What is da problem with them?

TJ: They do not know dat is how we greet each other! We check each other out when we do dat! But humans just get all weird about it.

Bart: Hoomans, y’all do weird things too, like when we poop outside, y’all gather it in paper bags. Why do you want to save our poop?

TJ: I never figured dat one out, Bart.

Bart: Hoomans are strange. Anyway, for you hoomans, when we sniff each other’s tails, it’s our way of saying hello.

TJ: You can tell a lot about a doggo by sniffing its tail.

Bart: Exactly. You know den if you can twust da other dog. If you smell da wong thing, it’s no good

TJ: Dis is how we bweak da ice at da dog parks. Other doggos can be nervous, but when we sniff their tails, it rewaxes dem.

Bart: Dat’s wight. So, for you doggos, be patient with your humans. Dey are stwange.

TJ: And for humans, try to be more understanding. We will twy to be understanding with you.

Until next time. Woof woof!