Do you ever wonder why your peeps eat garlic, onions, almonds, and spicy foods but tell you it is deadly — that’s right, deadly — for you to eat? #notmissingit #nottasty #evolution
Kissy Noses and Deeper Thoughts by Sassy
Category: Columnists
This category is for a columns page that shows all the columnists posts.
Introduction to TJ and Bart!
Bart: Hello! We had to introduce ourselves to Anipal Times readers! My name is Bart!
TJ: And my name is TJ! Hewwo!
Bart: A wittle about ourselves. First, me. Because I am more important.
TJ: What?????
Bart: Never mind! I came to Daddy’s home thwee years ago. It was a vewwy happy day!
TJ: Bart likes to eat more than any doggo I know! He even tries to eat my food!
Bart: You snooze, you whoose, TJ!
TJ: I’m the one who does the work here. I have been here eleven yeaws! I bwavely guard the house all of the time!
Bart: TJ is scared of the dark and thunder.
TJ: Hush! At least I’m not smaller than the fwogs around the house like you are, Bart!
Bart: Whatever! We just got together to share our thoughts on serious issues for doggos.
TJ: We will tackle the controversial issues like, um, tail sniffing and stuff like dat!
Bart: What does controversial mean?
TJ: As you can tell, I am the smart one.
Bart: Whatever! Well, dat’s who we are, Anipal Times readers! Good to meet you!
TJ: Dat wight! Now it’s time for doggo naps! See you soon!
Quote: Bob Mortimer on Cats
I can’t remember ever cooking food to impress a woman. The idea’s quite cheesy and sort of makes my skin crawl. But I sometimes make a special effort to impress my cats, with chicken liver or something. It’s tricky to know if a cat’s impressed. They might give me a little look, a glimpse at least. That’s cat ownership for you.
— Bob Mortimer
Call Me the Breeze
Purrrr, It’s Mr. Breeze here. Since I’m going to be writing for The Anipal Times I thought it would be a fine thing to post an intro.
In 2007 when I was a few months old I escaped from my home and got lost. I was begging at random doors for food. Then I met a stripey cat. She was eating all kinds of stuff so I followed her home. I hung out under da pine tree watching her humans barbecue. They fed me grilled shrimp because I was getting skinnier by da day. I named myself “Mr. Breeze” because I blew into their yard.
Da stripey cat’s humans called around everywhere trying to find my family. Da lady walked me around da neighborhood asking everybody if I was theirs. No dice. Who doesn’t look for their sweet panfur???
Da lady had been in a car accident and didn’t feel she could make a 20 year commitment to a young cat so she gave me to a rescue along with a ton of cash. I was kind of sad but da rescue lady was very nice and I made lots of barn cat friends.
A couple of months later da rescue lady to a pet expo.Da rescue lady was holding me like a baby, cooing and tickling my belly. MOL!! Suddenly da lady and my daddy showed up. I was so happy to see them and they adopted me right away. I was so happy to see my pine tree again. And then we went inside and there was the stripeycat and a spicy black cat. Their names were @sisfurcats Bugs and Chilipepper!
When I was young I liked to play sticks wif da lady. I liked to hang out on da front porch looking handsome for da neighbors. I sometimes hunted. I climbed trees like a big panfur. I even liked to play in da snow!
As it turned out, I was very photogenic. Dis photo motivated da lady to get me social media accounts. In 2009 I landed on twitter and found lots of anipals here! I even started my own bloggy, Call Me The Breeze.
I was invited to DJ at Frugal Dougal’s #pawpawty in 2009. I made friends there who are still friends to this day. I’ve been DJing at #nipclub on X since the start in 2010. I am involved with the sporadic #NipclubExtra on X and the blog. I also DJ at #pawgaritaville on X and help with the blog. I run #chilipawty on X and the blog (with lots of help from @tweetingtruman and many others) and I help @GeorgetheDuck out with #catmaseve on X and the blog. I love music! It’s a huge bonus that some pawties benefit animal charities.
I’ve also helped da lady learn Photoshop and GIMP.
I loved my sisfurs Bugs and Chilipepper. I was especially sad when Chilipepper went OTRB. I walked around da house crying for her. When Bugs went OTRB da vet gave me my very own kitten, @sisfurcats Ragamuffin. (2016)
I loved to snuggle my daddy. And I trained da lady to give me treats when I held out my paw. I loved to meet new people and give them headbutts. I even got to meet some of my [@kittehboi483] Pokémon GO pals in da park. I wasn’t keen on the car but so many scritches!!
In 2024 I went OTRB after a long illness. @Sisfurcats Ragamuffin still misses me. And of course my humans do too. My mommy wants to get an older cat for her. Hopefully they can become friends. I’ve been talking to the Cat Distribution System about it.
I still hang out wif my pals on twitter/X. DJing, of course. I like learning about new (to me) music to make playlists for pawties.
I make graphics with GIMP, and and enjoy learning how to use effects for pawty banners. Check out Put Your Paws in da Air for some of my work
I’m learning to make AI images with NightCafe Studio. It’s tempting to let @nightcafestudio design the pawty banners, but I like using GIMP too.
I’m still blogging for #pawgaritaville, #nipclubextra, #OwensBlackpaw, and #catmaseve.
I have fun putting ChatGPT through its paces. I sporadically post interesting conversations on my Just Some AI blog.
I make da lady read LOTS of books! Dis da books I making her read.
My favorite book is “Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?” by Caitlin Doughty. This humorous book answers questions like “Why Don’t Animals Dig Up All The Graves?” and “Can I Give Grandma A Viking Funeral?” Makes a perfect gift for morbid children.
I’m glad you could join me on The Anipal Times. We are going to have so much fun!
The Jersey Devil
Imagine if you will…
You are camping with your friends in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. It’s an early fall evening. There’s a chill in the air and the moon is full.
As you sit around the campfire telling ghost stories, there is a sudden thrashing in the blueberry bushes. Something moves quickly toward your campsite. Wait, were those antlers? Is it a deer this late at night?
No, it is not a deer. It is South Jersey’s oldest cryptid, the Jersey Devil himself!
In 1735, decades before the Revolutionary War, Mrs. Leeds had her 13th child. As the boy was born, Mrs. Leeds cursed him. For a time, he seemed like a normal baby. Then one evening Mrs. Leeds entered the nursery to find her baby had grown hooves, wings, and vicious fangs. With a blood-curdling shriek he flew up the chimney and disappeared into the night!
The Jersey Devil has been sighted many times over the centuries, and he is responsible for many strange goings-on. Campers see glowing eyes in the brush. Children go missing, livestock is killed, and banshee-like wails are heard through the pines. He has even been seen on Long Beach Island cavorting with mermaids.
Today there is a little tavern on Leeds Point. The lights of Atlantic City are visible across the bay. And on stormy nights you may hear the Jersey Devil clip-clopping across the tavern roof.
Quote: William S. Burroughs on Cats as Familiars
Cats didn’t start as mousers. Weasels and snakes and dogs are more efficient as rodent-control agents. I postulate that cats started as psychic companions, as Familiars, and have never deviated from this function.
—William S. Burroughs, “The Cat Inside“
Where To Find Free! Ebooks
To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.
— W. Somerset Maugham
If you love to read ebooks, but your wallet is thin, there are many sites online for free ebooks. Here are just a few.
- Your local library!
Your local library’s web page probably includes eBooks and audiobooks to borrow. If you don’t have a library card, do get one! It’s free. - Project Gutenberg
Project Gutenberg is an online library of over 70,000 free eBooks to download or read online. Much of the world’s great public domain literature is available. Many titles are also available as audiobooks. - The Internet Archive
The Internet Archive offers over 20,000,000 freely downloadable ebooks. There is also a collection of 2.3 million modern eBooks that may be borrowed by anyone with a free Internet Archive account. - Open Library
Open Library’s catalog provides links to discover, borrow, and read from the Internet Archive’s collections. Your Internet Archive account can be used to sign-in to Open Library. - Standard Ebooks
Standard Ebooks provides beautifully-formatted editions of ebooks found in Project Gutenberg. - Ebooks.com
400 of their most popular classics to read, free of charge. - Free-eBooks.net
Free-eBooks.net connects readers with thousands of free ebooks across every genre — fiction, business, self-help, mystery, romance, and more. Join free in seconds. - For the Amazon Kindle:
- You can, of course, borrow hardcopy from your local library.
- Use InterLibrary Loan (ILL) to borrow books from other libraries. Ask the librarian.
- OverDrive and WorldCat are both online catalogs to help you locate library books for ILL, including rare or unique hardcopy.
Do you have a favorite site for free ebooks or audiobooks not listed here? Please leave a comment.
Quote: Oleg Gazenko On Laika
Work with animals is a source of suffering to all of us. We treat them like babies who cannot speak. The more time passes, the more I’m sorry about it. We shouldn’t have done it. We did not learn enough from the mission to justify the death of the dog.
— Russian scientist Oleg Gazenko, 1998, speaking about Laika, the first dog in space.
Bob’s Your Agony Uncle
Hello everyone, and let me introduce myself.
My name is Bob and I am going to be your resident Agony Uncle on Anipal Times from December.
Please come along and support this wonderful publication, the Anipal Times, with lots of fab features, articles, puzzles, and musings.
Hope to be able to help you all soon with things like my human is trying to trick me by breaking my treat in half, or my human made me have a bath after I had just gotten my Au’D’Fox just perfect. You name it, and will can solve these dilemmas together.
Until then
Bob 😊
Lola’s Story
Thursday, the 2nd, started out like any other day since I had moved in with Hoosis after Hoomum became ill.
My breakfast followed my usual walk before I settled into the day. Then something different happened. I noticed that all my possessions were being boxed up. I previously witnessed this during my travels from Hoomum’s to this location.
Could this mean that Mum was better, and I was returning home to her? I certainly hope so. My 11th birthday was 2 days earlier; what a present this would have been.
Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. The day continued as normal, and my possessions just sat there.
A doorbell broke the silence, and to everyone’s surprise, I didn’t bark. I stood and watched as 2 strangers entered. Did they come to bring me home?
Once more, I didn’t bark at the man, which surprised everyone. Instead, I walked over to him and stood beside him, waiting for some fuss.
I always barked at anyone who appeared near the entrance, and then again when the individual proved male. Once they moved into the lounge, I again surprised them by continuing to stay beside him.
After a brief chat, I was again walking. It did not fit into my routine. This escorting individual was odd.
What was going on?
The walk ended unexpectedly with me beside a vehicle near home. The individual remained with me while others entered the building, afterward exiting with everything I owned.
Surely this means that I am going home.
Those I met here appeared, spoke to me, and showered me with attention. I noticed Hoosis had tears in her eyes as she talked and fussed over me. They exchanged my collar for a harness, and I boarded the vehicle’s compartment while they loaded baggage.
As we drove away, I looked out all the windows to keep Hoosis in sight until she disappeared from my sight. I then continued to examine various windows, noting location, until the route straightened, later settling once the view lost interest.
My subconscious stirred me from slumber upon detecting a shift in pace or course, prompting me to sit up, observe, before returning to slumber as the journey’s routine resumed.
Finally, we re-entered developed sectors; it proved crucial to pay attention.
It did not appear familiar; thus, I was not returning home to Mum.
I confirmed my suspicions when we finally stopped on the driveway of a house that wasn’t Mum’s house.
I hopped out of the car, and more strangers greeted me, but it didn’t last long because I climbed back into the car and into the driver’s seat. Someone ushered me into the back seat, and we were underway once again.
A short car ride ensued, and in next to no time we pulled onto another driveway. I didn’t recognise this place either.
I swiftly exited the car and had a good sniff around the plants in the front garden, checking the surroundings, before being led indoors.
My possessions followed, and I realized this was my new life, with my new family in my new home.
Hopefully, this time it will be forever. We shall see.
The Anipal Times 