Good afternoon. We are TJ and Bart here for another column.
Dis is Bart. By the way, TJ went to the vettie this week and got told he had to lose weight. Hi TJ!
TJ: Dis is TJ. No need to tell da readers dat, Bart.
Bart: The readers should know about us, TJ!
TJ: Like how you ran away from dat little chihuahua da other day?
Bart: Let’s start dis week’s column! It is about music!
TJ: An important topic! Our daddy likes people who made music in the seventies. In other words, old.
Bart: Weally old! Now dis is stwange ‘cause they still sing songs from when dey were young!
TJ: Example: Dat guy Mick Jagger. He still sings dat song about not getting da satisfaction! If you have not got it by now, you ain’t getting it!
Bart: Or da guy Rod Stewart! He is still singing the song ‘Do You Tink I’m Sexy?’ He is in his seventies! Dat sick!
TJ: Also, some of dese people are eating too much. Dey sweating too much, not able to breathe. Maybe do a different kind of music? Like Polka?
Bart: We are not saying dey should retiwe, but dey should have some dignity!
TJ: Sing different songs! AC/DC ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.’ You are too old! How about ‘You slept all night long!’
Bart: Good example: also, how about having Metamucil sponsor your shows? Dat fits!
TJ: Or heawing aids! For da audience, too!
Bart: Also start da shows in da afternoon! Den your audience can make da early bird special later!
TJ: We have so many good ideas! How about calling one of dese shows ‘denture music?’
We are rolling now, Bart!
Bart: Well, dat is all for now! We are here to help you, older musicians!
TJ: Keep wocking, just not too woud!
See you next time!
Tag: TJ and Bart
TJ and Bart: Tail Sniffing
Bart: Hewwo, Anipal Times Readers! This is Bart, and we, TJ and Bart, are ready to write another column.
TJ: Dis is TJ, and dis is an important column. Doggos have asked us dis question: Why do our humans become upset when we sniff each other’s tails?
Bart: It is stwange, TJ. What is da problem with them?
TJ: They do not know dat is how we greet each other! We check each other out when we do dat! But humans just get all weird about it.
Bart: Hoomans, y’all do weird things too, like when we poop outside, y’all gather it in paper bags. Why do you want to save our poop?
TJ: I never figured dat one out, Bart.
Bart: Hoomans are strange. Anyway, for you hoomans, when we sniff each other’s tails, it’s our way of saying hello.
TJ: You can tell a lot about a doggo by sniffing its tail.
Bart: Exactly. You know den if you can twust da other dog. If you smell da wong thing, it’s no good
TJ: Dis is how we bweak da ice at da dog parks. Other doggos can be nervous, but when we sniff their tails, it rewaxes dem.
Bart: Dat’s wight. So, for you doggos, be patient with your humans. Dey are stwange.
TJ: And for humans, try to be more understanding. We will twy to be understanding with you.
Until next time. Woof woof!
TJ and Bart: Walking in da Rain
TJ: Good evening! We are TJ and Bart. We are both Doxies, and we write for da Anipal Times. Dis is TJ.
Bart: Dis is Bart. I am a purebred Doxie. TJ is a mix. But we love him anyway.
TJ: Dat not nice, Bart.
Bart: It’s da truth!
TJ: Okay, let’s talk about doggie walks. Our people always ask why doggos dislike walking in da rain?
Bart: Yeah! Dis is so simple. Cause we dislike walking on wet grass. Having wet grass on your tummy…and other areas…is not a good feeling.
TJ: And den when we want to go inside, the human wants us to stay outside until we finish!
Bart: I cannot see why dey get upset when we use da bathroom inside da house!
TJ: Humans are weird. Doggos, if you’re reading dis and want to share your thoughts on dis very important topic, let us know!
Bart: Exactly! Now I want a treat! Dis writing is hard work!
TJ: I heard Dat!
TJ and Bart Music column
Hello, Anipal Times! We are TJ and Bart, ready for our second column.
Dis is Bart!
Dis is TJ! Let’s do Dis!
Bart: Today, we are going to talk about music. Our daddy is a DJ and likes to play music on da social media.
TJ: Well, he likes to play da old music. SOOOOOOOOO old.
Bart: It is embarrassing. Daddy only likes to play songs dat are fifty years old.
TJ: I mean, Daddy is playing people like Elton John, a group called America, play Dat Funky Music White Boy, what is dis, Daddy?
Bart: Dis music is stwange. Some of da songs are about people dying in the middle of the songs. Why are people singing about dis?
TJ: And why is Daddy playing dis music? Dat’s what we’re concerned with. Dey were wearing dese ugly bell-bottom pants in da 70s. Why do you want to remember dis?
Bart: Dey even have a song called da Berta Butt Boogie. Ise serious, TJ!
TJ: Humans are weird. I think we need to take a nap to think about dis, Bart.
Bart: Good idea, TJ! See you next time, Anipal Times readers~
Introduction to TJ and Bart!
Bart: Hello! We had to introduce ourselves to Anipal Times readers! My name is Bart!
TJ: And my name is TJ! Hewwo!
Bart: A wittle about ourselves. First, me. Because I am more important.
TJ: What?????
Bart: Never mind! I came to Daddy’s home thwee years ago. It was a vewwy happy day!
TJ: Bart likes to eat more than any doggo I know! He even tries to eat my food!
Bart: You snooze, you whoose, TJ!
TJ: I’m the one who does the work here. I have been here eleven yeaws! I bwavely guard the house all of the time!
Bart: TJ is scared of the dark and thunder.
TJ: Hush! At least I’m not smaller than the fwogs around the house like you are, Bart!
Bart: Whatever! We just got together to share our thoughts on serious issues for doggos.
TJ: We will tackle the controversial issues like, um, tail sniffing and stuff like dat!
Bart: What does controversial mean?
TJ: As you can tell, I am the smart one.
Bart: Whatever! Well, dat’s who we are, Anipal Times readers! Good to meet you!
TJ: Dat wight! Now it’s time for doggo naps! See you soon!
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